It’s hard for me to talk about this round of Mercury Retrograde in Cancer in terms that aren’t completely subjective. The Messenger of the Gods was backtracking through my First House — using Whole Signs Houses, the house system I’ve recently switched to after eleven years of Placidus —, which made the transit all the more personal and intimate for me. And as intense as it was, I still feel I’m not ready to emerge from this thick dense dampness and come up for air.
The ironic thing about it is that having a sister I never heard from or have had any relationship with whatsoever, text me out of the blue, wasn’t even the most emotional part of it. No, the thing I cried the most about — and I mean crying as in bawling my eyes out — was realizing how much of a past I never properly experienced I carry within me like a blueprint. (I know this sounds vague — I have Neptune squaring my Moon, natally, so most of the things I feel are either nuanced, confused or confusing).
In some way or another, I feel we all were grappling with that same feeling — origins and myth of origin, the dark side to our reflective surface, beginnings and endings still trapped in our bodies. The imprints that we still carry like marks. And the extent to which all of this interferes, fosters or hinders our ability to be present right where we are, to be compassionate, to feel safe in our bodies and whole in our Souls. To truly empathize with the suffering of all. How many shattered pieces of us are still stuck in the moment when something broke us. If we see them, we can retrieve them. If we can collect those splinters, then maybe we can rearrange them and recreate ourselves rather than crystallizing in their image.
So, come Mercury’s direct station on July 12, 2020, at 5°29 Cancer, we might want to decide what to do with those pieces. What to create out of something that can’t be repaired (it’s worth noting that Chiron stations Retrograde the day before). What to let in through that breach in our defenses that we tried to guard so aggressively.
Not everything will pick up speed towards the future all of a sudden, though: Mercury’s stations tend to have a halting effect, whether Retrograde or Direct. It’s worth seizing that last opportunity for introspection and watchfulness — and for allowing the salt of our tears to clear out the last chunks of stale energetical debris as more insight floats to the surface.
Mercury will emerge out of the post-Retrograde shadow on July 26, and enter Leo on August 5.